Lawyer Asked The Old Woman
At a trial in a small town in Nebraska.
… the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand.
He walked up to her and said, “Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?”
The woman replied: “Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley. I have known you since you were a little boy, and frankly, you are a disappointment. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk behind their backs. You think you’re somebody, but if you had any sense you’d realize you’re nothing more than a mediocre pencil pusher. I know exactly who you are.”
The prosecutor’s jaw dropped to the floor. Shocked, he pointed across the room to divert attention and asked: “Ms. Williams…do you know who the defense attorney is?”
The woman replied: “Of course I do. I have known Mr. Carbuncle since he was a child. He is a lazy bigot with a drinking problem. He cannot maintain a normal relationship with anyone and is one of the worst lawyers in the county. On top of that, he has cheated on his wife with three different women, including your wife. Yeah, I know exactly who he is.”
The defense attorney looked like he was going to have a stroke.
The judge ordered the prosecutor and defense attorney to approach and whispered to them in a low but agitated voice,
“If one of you brats asks him if he knows who I am, I’ll put you both behind bars for life!”
They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women
A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.
“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.
What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!
Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.
They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!
Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”
The woman looked up wearily and said;
“You fool, I meant my dress size.”
The moral of the story is this:
If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.