Buying A Suit On The Cheap

A man was sold a very cheap suit.

“But my left arm is much longer than my right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is so cheap,” the salesman explained. “Just lift your left shoulder a little, like this, and tuck the left collar under your chin a little, like this.”

“But the right leg is too short,” protested the customer.

“No problem,” replied the salesman. “Just keep your right knee slightly bent, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only $30.”

Finally, the man bought the suit, raised his left shoulder, tucked the left lapel of the suit under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store and to his car.

Two passing attorneys noticed him. “Oh my God,” the first lawyer said to the second, “look at this poor crippled man.

“Yes,” replied the second lawyer.

“But don’t you look good in that suit?!”

They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women

A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.

“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.

What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!

Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.

They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!

Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”

The woman looked up wearily and said;

“You fool, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of the story is this:

If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.