The Man Who Wants To Buy A Talking Dog
A man walks through the backwoods and sees a sign in front of a rundown, shanty-style house: Talking Dog for Sale.
He rings the bell and the owner appears and says the dog is in the backyard.
The man goes into the backyard and sees a handsome Labrador Retriever sitting there.
“Can you talk?” he asks.
The Labrador answers, “Of course.
After the man gets over the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks, “So, what’s your story?”
The Labrador looks up and says, “I discovered I could talk when I was a very little puppy. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. Soon they were flying me from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one thought a dog could eavesdrop.
“For eight years, I was one of their most valuable spies. But I got really tired of running around, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I got a job doing undercover security at the airport, walking around and eavesdropping on suspicious people. I uncovered some incredible deals and got a bunch of medals.
“I got married, had a bunch of babies, and now I’m retired.”
The man was surprised. He goes back inside and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” he says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why are you selling it so cheap?”
“Because the dog is a damn liar. He didn’t do it.”
They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women
A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.
“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.
What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!
Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.
They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!
Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”
The woman looked up wearily and said;
“You fool, I meant my dress size.”
The moral of the story is this:
If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.