The Conductor’s Amazing Plan
A businessman rushed to the station just in time to catch the Rockhampton Express from Brisbane.
After taking his seat, he asked the conductor when the train would arrive in Gladstone.
“There are no stops in Gladstone on Wednesdays,” the conductor replied.
“What!” exclaimed the businessman.
“There are no stops in Gladstone on Wednesdays.”
“But it’s mandatory. I have an important meeting there.”
The conductor was adamant. “This is a weekly express, and there are no stops at Gladstone on Wednesdays.”
After much discussion, a compromise was reached. The conductor agreed to ask the engineer to slow down to 60 mph as the train passed through Gladstone. He would then hold the businessman by the window of the car, the businessman would run his legs through the air as fast as he could, and when the conductor thought his leg speed was sufficient, he would set him down on the platform.
When the train arrived in Gladstone, this plan was put into action and the businessman ran to the platform at top speed. He ran to the end of the platform, hoping to stop himself before the end.
Just as the last car of the train passed him, a switchman grabbed him by the collar and led him back onto the train through the open window.
“Welcome aboard, my friend,” the switchman said, “you’re lucky I caught you, there are no stops at Gladstone on Wednesdays.”
They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women
A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.
“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.
What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!
Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.
They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!
Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”
The woman looked up wearily and said;
“You fool, I meant my dress size.”
The moral of the story is this:
If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.