The Shame Of Two American Friends
Two Americans are on a tour of Europe and are scheduled to arrive in France on Sunday afternoon.
But they arrived a few hours early and have little to do on a Sunday morning when everything is closed.
“Why don’t we go to Mass?” one asks the other, pointing to a nearby cathedral.
“Of course,” replies his friend. “But we don’t know how the French pray, and we don’t speak French!”
The first man thinks for a moment. “I have an idea. Let’s pick a man in front of us and do what he does.
His friend agrees. They enter the church, sit near the front, and choose a man.
Fifteen minutes pass and their plan works well.
Thirty minutes, no problem.
Forty-five minutes pass and they are used to the routine. Suddenly, as everyone is sitting down, the priest says something in French and the gentleman they have chosen stands up. Without thinking, the two Americans stand up.
The church erupts in raucous laughter.
Realizing that no one else has stood up, the two Americans quickly take their seats before deciding to leave in embarrassment. They wait for the service to end and then approach the priest, who speaks English by profession.
“We’re really well-intentioned people – we don’t speak French and we picked a man to imitate when we pray,” says one.
The priest laughs. “Ah. You’re probably wondering why everyone is laughing at you?”
“Yes,” replies the other American.
“Well, you see, I was announcing the baptism of a child…and I asked the father of the child to stand up.”
They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women
A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.
“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.
What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!
Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.
They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!
Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”
The woman looked up wearily and said;
“You fool, I meant my dress size.”
The moral of the story is this:
If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.