Bob Returns Home Drunk

Bob staggered home after a night of drinking.

He tiptoed up the stairs so as not to wake his wife, Kathleen, but tripped and fell on his butt.

The whiskey bottles in both back pockets made the landing especially painful.

He let out a scream, pulled down his pants and looked in the hall mirror to see his ass cheeks cut and bleeding.

Quietly, she managed to find a box of Band-Aids and stuck one where she saw blood.

The next morning he woke up to find Kathleen looking at him and saying, “You were drunk last night, weren’t you?”

Bob snapped, “Why would you think that?”

“It could have been the broken glass, or the blood in the house, or your bloodshot eyes,” Kathleen replied.

“But mostly,” she continued.

“It was the Band-Aids on the mirror in the hallway.”

They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women

A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.

“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.

What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!

Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.

They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!

Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”

The woman looked up wearily and said;

“You fool, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of the story is this:

If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.