Woman Finds Out How Long She Has To Live

A 45 year old woman from Los Angeles had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.

While in surgery, she had a supernatural near-death experience.

Her spirit was lifted up to heaven where she met God and asked Him, “Is it my time?”

God replied, “No, you have 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

After recovering, the woman decided to live life to the fullest and make the most of the time she had left.

She decided to stay in the hospital and have plastic surgery on her face, liposuction, breast augmentation and removal of abdominal fat.

She also called a hairdresser to dye her hair and an orthodontist to do a “teeth lift”.

She figured if she had so much time ahead of her, she should live it the best way she could.

After her last plastic surgery, she put on a new dress with matching heels, left the hospital, walked across the street, and a BAM! An ambulance ran her over and she died instantly.

As she passed through the gates of heaven, she reached out to God and demanded to know what had happened.

“You told me I had 43 years left! Why didn’t you save me from the ambulance?”

And God replied, “Oh, it’s you? My bad, I didn’t recognize you under all that plastic…”

They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women

A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.

“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.

What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!

Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.

They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!

Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”

The woman looked up wearily and said;

“You fool, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of the story is this:

If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.