Getting Slapped While Sitting At A Bar

Redneck Ray is sitting in a bar in Houston, quietly sipping a beer.

Suddenly, a burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off his stool.

“That was a karate chop from Korea,” the burly man says proudly.

Ray sighs, gets up, wipes the dust off his clothes, sits back down on the stool and continues to drink his beer.

Suddenly he is hit so hard that he flies into the wall.

“That was a kung fu punch from China,” the big man laughs.

Ray has had enough. He gets up, brushes off the dust and calmly leaves the bar.

About an hour later, he comes back, walks up behind the big guy sitting at the bar, and punches him so hard behind the ear that he passes out.

Ray looks at the bartender and says:

“When he comes to, why don’t you tell him it was a shovel from the hardware store in Houston?”

They Say Men Don’t Listen To Women

A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.

“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park.

What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow!

Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park.

They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then they went to the movies – it was the latest Disney movie and what an amazing adventure!

Finally, she returned home with her husband and collapsed on the bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked her affectionately: “So, honey, what was it like to be six years old again?”

The woman looked up wearily and said;

“You fool, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of the story is this:

If a woman speaks and a man is really listening, he will still misunderstand.